back to homepage

July 29, 2019 7:50 am

I totally ‘get’ why some people refuse to believe that Michael Jackson was a prolific pedophile. He was always so nice to children. He built a Peter Pan style theme park in his back garden, for example. He hosted totally awesome slumber parties where you could build forts and play as much Nintendo as you wanted, (one kid’s mum said her child played so much on Michael’s joystick one night he passed out). In 1996, he even gave ten million dollars to one boy. He seemed to be nothing but generous and sweet to the hundreds of children of the world that walked through the doors of Neverland. Neverland was as iconic as Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory. And like the aforementioned children’s phenomenon-once you go in, (after sucking all of Willy Wonka’s chocolate) you’ll never ‘come out’ (to anyone about it). Children all over the world adored Michael. The only hint of child abuse was when he called his son ‘Blanket’. (And when he dangled him from a 5 storey building). It just goes to show; you think you know a celeb inside and out and then one day, out of the blue, Dan Reed will make a channel 4 documentary exposing them as pedophile. 

I suppose the clues were there all along really; we were all just in denial. People are saying that the entire world was ‘groomed’ by Michael Jackson because he fooled us all, but I think that’s just a way of making us all feel better about the fact that we have all been so blooming stupid. We all knew the rumours but chose to turn a blind eye. We gave him the benefit of the doubt because well, when we were eight years old we were forever in his back catalogue. (In retrospect when we were eight years old he probably would have wanted to be in our back catalogue too.) Yet we still don’t want to believe the victims. 
 It’s intrinsic to our culture to victim blame. ‘Don’t blame it on sunshine, don’t blame it on moonlight, don’t blame it on good times, blame it on the underage boy who is now scarred for life he shakes when he touches a piece  jewellery thatMichael gave him in exchange for lewd acts. We only put women and children first when the Titanic is sinking and even then we let Billy Zane get on because, well, he’s smoking hot. I think as a society we all need to own up and say that we have all been somewhat complicit in this abhorrent level of abuse. We can’t just blame the parents. I mean they weren’t to know either. 

Mum: a 35 year old man wants to sleepover with our seven year old son. What do you think?

Dad: no that’s weird. 

Mum: his name is Michael Jackson.

Dad: what time does he want to pick him up? 

It was all an act. Despite looking like a cross between The Child Catcher and The Grand High Witch, he came across as a gentle, thin, frail, softly spoken, timid man child. That’s why he loves children so much, we told ourselves because he is in a state of ‘Arrested Development’. His childhood was stunted so he’s trying to recapture it by hanging out with young boys because emotionally he’s a young boy himself. 
*hits entire world over the head with a mallet.

I mean who really loves kids that you’re not related to that much?! Sartre said that, ‘Hell is other people’s children.’ I agree, I hate hanging around with kids. They are so dumb! They say if you’re the most intelligent person in the room then you’re in the wrong room. And that’s why I stopped babysitting my 5 month old niece.

I think the worst thing about the child sexual assault allegations towards Michael Jackson is not only the fact that hundreds of children have been abused and we’ve just stood by and let it happen as a society, or the fact that Michael is dead so can never be accountable for any of this, (oh yeah, Conrad Murray the doctor who killed him isn’t looking so guilty anymore is he now?) but it is the fact that there are still people insisting that he is innocent and defending him. 

These are just the sort of people who slag off Victoria Beckham for not smiling enough and Meghan Markle for smiling too much. 
It got me thinking Are we slagging off the wrong people? 

I definitely do. I slag off my Mum behind her back all the time. But I’ve never said a bad word about Stalin for example. In fact the last discussion I had about Stalin was when my mate said that Stalin was actually ‘quite fit’ for a dictator.* Pause this article while you all google image ‘Stalin in his younger years’. (You’re welcome). 

We live in a world where The Kardashians get slagged off more than The Rothchilds. Monica Lewinsky gets slagged off more than Bill Clinton. Paris Hilton gets slagged off more than The Hilton Hotel In Watford. (1 star on Trip Advisor). 
And now it seems that Michael Jackson accusers are getting slagged off more than Michael Jackson himself. 
Come on guys. 

Who’s Bad?