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May 14, 2014 10:00 pm

Kim Kardashian, Katie Price, Kerry Katona. This Blog is brought to you by the letter ‘K’ and the number ‘3’. For, these women all have married 3 times and have the letter ‘K’ in common. But trust me these women are far from ‘OK’. Unless you mean the magazine, in which case they are in it all the time and  are actually very close to ‘OK’. But no, I’m talking about the literal term ‘OK’, not the magazine you get if you think you’re too intellectual for Heat. (Snobs.)

Alas, I digress, so these women not only share the ‘K’ Factor, ( X Factor fans don’t get excited this is not Simon Cowell’s next project) but these girls also have a penchant for getting married and consequently divorced in quick succession. To an almost Henry VIII level, without the beheadings, unless you count Kerry Katona being off her head and stoned on ‘This Morning’ in 2009.

So why have these 3 women between them married a total of 9 times before they have even reached 40? Is it the rush of fame to the head which makes them take every aspect of their life to the extreme? Why have Economy when you can have First Class? Why have a car when you can have a limo? Why have a boyfriend when you can have a husband? (Why have George at Asda when you can marry a hunky black man called George? I’m looking at YOU Kerry Katona).

These women live extreme lives. Its no wonder they have extreme marriages They may well be reality stars but trust me they are so far removed from reality that if reality bit them back, they wouldn’t have any idea that it was a 1994 Romantic Comedy Drama starring Ben Stiller and Winona Rider. They are celebrities who are not celebrated, but commiserated by gossip magazines who showcase their mishaps and misfortunes with an almost schadenfreude type relish, appealing to their readers’ voyeuristic thirst.

You don’t meet as many people in ‘real life’ that have married so many times, so very young. (And I’ve SEEN SOME STUFF on Jezzer Kyle). This is because a real person has to save for months often years for their dream wedding. Either that or fill out a Don’t Tell The Bride application form which believe you me, takes a while (don’t ask). Celebrities can have their fairytale wedding organised in next to no time with little collateral damage to their ever bulging bank accounts. And, hell, if they put said wedding in their reality show or get a magazine deal its literally- Hello! Wedding of your dreams! Consumerism at its worst. Hey, maybe they have discount cards, which work like Nando’s cards, where with every few weddings you get the next chicken, sorry Kanye West, free?

But should we applaud this impulsive behaviour? Should we be envious of this romantic spontaneity? The heart ruling the head, the very essence of the unprompted, extemporaneous (thank you theasaurus.com) is pure enchantment, surely? Alas, before I sweep you off your feet with my eloquent proclamations, just remember this:

> two of of Kim Kardashian’s marriages resulted in her face doing this:

 

> Kerry Katona’s impulsive amorous yearnings led her to not only ruin Westlife’s third album (gutted) but also made her bump uglies with a cab driver from Warrington. Ladies and gents I give you…..Exhibit ‘A’:

Classy Bloke. Sorry I mean ‘Class A’ bloke.

> And finally Katie Price’s impetuous instincts caused her to not only use the phrase ‘Roxanne you don’t have to put on that dress tonight’ when talking to ex husband Alex Reid’s cross dressing alter ego, Roxanne.

But most recently the ex glamour model who we love to tits has sadly had to deal with the devastating news that her current husband Kieran Hayley has been having an affair with one of her closest and best of friends, Jane Pountney. (What a bitch).

Having been married merely a year, yet made two babies with this vile wretch of a man she is unsurprisingly calling it a day and heading to the divorce courts yet again. Who does she think she is Ross from Friends?!

All jokes aside, let’s hope she finds happiness and peace soon and her children are left undamaged by this sorry débâcle. I’ve suddenly gone very Oprah/After School Special haven’t I? Maybe I should start talking about more worldly feminist issues in my Blogs, rather than Reality Stars and their marriages? I am after all an ever evolving comedienne. I could do a Russell Brand and go from reading out the content of The Sun newspaper (pre Katy Perry) to talking to Jeremy Paxman about the state of UK Politics. OK. Yeah. So……… Next month: Read about Female Genital Mutilation: Thousands of girls in Essex get Vajazzled EVERY day don’t you know……..