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Amal Hu Akhbar

Amal Hu Akhbar
Amal Hu Akhbar
September 13, 2015 5:58 pm
Ask any Arab woman about Amal Clooney and they will beam with pride. ‘Amal hu Akhbar’, they rejoice! An intelligent, powerful and undeniably glamorous Arab women portrayed in the media. Finally! That bird from ancient Egypt who bagged our ‘Tone was getting kind of old. 8000 years old in fact. People say what kept Cleopatra so young and beautiful was all that bathing in milk and honey but I reckon it was all the dying young thus being forever immortalised as a goddess that gives you that youthful glow that every woman longs for. But as usual I digress, this blog isnt about youth and beauty, its about celebrating the union of 36 year old Arabian looking Princess and a 53 year old Hollywood actor.
George Clooney has been one of the most sought after and most desirable bachelors since the early nineties when he was in the USA’s  slightly more successful version of Holby City. Errrrr……? No not ‘errrrr’. ‘E.R’. The show where women drooled over his bedside manner and longed for him to put his long stethoscope over their beating hearts and tell them everything was going to be O.K, as it was only a mild case of indigestion.
From as early as the 1980’s to 2012, Western girls have been doing their damnedest to try and bag George. Our very own English Rose, Lisa Snowdon even gave it a good bash. But after:
Dedee Pfeiffer
Kelly Preson
Talia Balsam
Kimberly Russell
Karen Duffy
Celine Balitran
Charlize Theron
Renée Zellweger,
Krista Allen
Sarah Larson
Elisabetta Canalis
Stacy Keibler
one thing was clear: this was no job for a Western girl. George needed more than the desired cliche hot girl with a sense of humour. George needed someone with a sense of Humus. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at that pun. We all remember the Friends Episode where he proclaimed ‘God Bless The Chick Pea’, right guys? No? Just me? OH. Well my point being is George’s perfect woman was destined to be Middle Eastern! Think about it, George has a gruelling regime and a lot of engagements. Arab girls live under a gruelling regime and are used to their men having lots of engagements (wives) too. It was inevitable. George sees the veil and thinks marriage material. (Literally a veil is marriage material, like literally). You see, it was always meant to be, that George would fall for an Arab girl.
But not just any Arab girl-recently voted the second most powerful Arab Woman in the world, Human Rights Lawyer, Amal Clooney nee Alamuddin. In a reversed Middle Eastern type Legally Blonde (Legally Veiled) type storyline, Amal became a lawyer and got the man of her dreams.
Reminds me of that Helen Fielding Bridget Jones’ Diary quote:
‘I will not sulk about having no boyfriend but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance, as best way to obtain a boyfriend.’
Now I’m not saying Amal became a Human Rights Lawyer in order to get a boyfriend, that would be preposterously sexist and anti feminist! No, I’m saying she became an all powerful businesswoman and humanitarian in order to get George Clooney. To marry the most eligible bachelor in the world; the sexiest man on the planet. Thus becoming a figure of inspiration and empowerment to all women. Amal Hu Akhbar!! (Amal Is The Greatest).  ‘Think Big’. Don’t go for just any Tom, Dick or Harry go for George; the hottest and most richest man in the world. Truly empowering.
Now the words ‘Arab’,’Women’ and ‘Power’ are often not synonymous. In many Arabic countries women are quite the opposite; repressed and restricted. In Saudi Arabia, for example women cant drive. In the U.K men also believe that women cant drive, however in Saudi Arabia it is an actual law. Many Arab women also feel obliged to wear the veil and cover their faces. In a way though this is not dissimilar to the western girls on Geordie Shore who cover their faces (in make up) and are unrecognisable. But despite this parallel between the Middle East and the Wild Kanye West culture that we ourselves live in today, Arab women are faced with far more adversity. Never mind about smashing the glass ceiling. The glass ceiling hasn’t even been made yet. It’s still in the floor, sand.
But despite this Amal managed to become one of the most highly regarded and most respected Human Rights Lawyers in the world. Her clients include Julian Assange. So she is used to spending time with men who are accused of hack programming. Sorry, George but ‘Intolerable Cruelty’ was not your best work.
Alas, to quote the 1928 silent film The Crowd, ‘Marriage isn’t a word. Its a sentence.’ No wonder George thought Amal, a lawyer who deals with sentences every day, was the best woman for the job.
Its undeniable they really are well matched. But with the intense and avid media interest in them, I dont mean to come across all Martin Bashir/Princess Diana on you, but one cant help thinking that there will always be 3 people in their marriage. George, Amal and Us. It was Henry Fielding who said, ‘There is always one fool in every couple’. And that fool is ‘Us’. Tina Fey shrewdly pointed this out at the 2015 Golden Globes.
“Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, an adviser to Kofi Annan on Syria and was appointed to a three-person commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip,” Fey said. “So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.”
And that’s why I am writing this blog. Not to gush over George (the only George I gush over is the future King-don’t get me started on those cheeks), nor to applaud Amal for bagging the most eligible bachelor in the whole entire world, nor to gloat that the only woman who could finally pin him down was an Arab girl but to celebrate powerful Arabic women across the world. Amal Hu Akbar indeed! And the rest.
(I should have really wrote this blog about the woman who got the number 1 most powerful Arab Woman in the world but because she didn’t marry George Clooney I didnt know who the fuck she was).
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