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July 26, 2016 5:12 pm

I made friends with a girl who told me she ‘doesn’t normally get on with girls’ which made me immediately want to unfriend her. Maybe the reason she has no girlfriends is because she goes around saying shit like that? 

Apparently ‘girls don’t like me’ she cooed. She had a little glint in her eye which implied ‘they don’t like me cos I’m so god damn fit’. Puh-lease.

What? So good looking women don’t have any female friends? What about Keira Knightley? Ok, bad example, people don’t like her because she is annoying not because she is beautiful. (If you watch her in ‘A Dangerous Mind’ you will see her get slapped by Michael Fassbender numerous times which is, I have to say, hugely satisfying). 

I digress, so I went out on a night out with this girl (don’t ask) and all she could talk about was make up, shoes, clothes, boys, looks, what she ate that day and how thin she was. I ended the night with, ‘I think women don’t like you because you’re so fucking boring’. But I don’t think she heard me because she was too busy scanning the bar we were in for hot guys. 

The worst thing about her was not having to stand and watch her reapply her make up every 30 minutes, nor was it her talking incessantly about how she caught her plumber perving on her abs, but it was the fact that she slagged other women off. 

She brazenly, blatantly, bluntly and unashamedly (sorry, unexpected end of onomatopoeia there) talked about how so and so should make more of herself, how so and so should brush her hair, lose weight, wear make-up, dress better. 

I wanted to scream. I held it in but she looked at my face, it was impossible to hide, she saw I was upset. I defended all the girls she slagged off, saying they were lovely and gorgeous and funny and smart and fun and interesting. Everything she wasn’t. 

I told her she was being shallow. 

In reality she was so far beyond shallow. She wasn’t even a kids paddling pool, she was a puddle. A dark, fucked up puddle. 

Not to sound all Emma Watson or anything but women need to champion other women. We need to support our sisters. We need to live our life by the Bechdel Test. 

Never mind films, I think women need to rate other women according to the Bechdel Test. Ask yourselves, does your friend talk about something other than a man and her looks for more than 5 minutes? How are films supposed to live up to the Bechdel Test if real women don’t? 

Which reminds me Bride Wars lives up to the Bechdel Test because Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson don’t talk about boys they talk about weddings for the ENTIRE film. 

Anyway, I’m angry that these superficial, bitchy women exist. I’ve been so blessed (yes I said ‘blessed’ because well this is an after school special) with intelligent, eloquent, thought provoking, inspiring friends. I didn’t think that this was even a thing!

I only thought these girls existed on shows like ‘Real Housewives’ or ‘Geordie Shore’ or ‘Prime Ministers Questions’. Sorry Theresa May but you didn’t sign the gay marriage bill so I ain’t championing you. 

Actually the girls on Geordie Shore pass the Bechdel Test because they spend a most of their time talking about booze and STI’s, not men.

The world is already a very depressing place at the moment full of death and destruction and I don’t mean Newcastle on a Friday night. In the scheme of things, I realise that this girl isn’t worth my time blogging over. 

But if you’re reading this and you’re a woman, and all that consumes your mind is how you look and how others look then contact ITV Be because you’d probably be ideal for one of their brain dead, nothing between the ears, reality shows.