A girl got spotted by a modelling agent in Tesco (pre Lockdown) and I was stood right next to her. Of course I totally understood, I was wearing my corona mask at the time. But bizarrely when I took it off I still got nothing. So I opened my legs really wide to show I had a thigh gap but I don’t think she noticed that either. Perhaps she was concscious not to double scout at risk of seeming like the fashion industry’s answer to Harvey Weinstein.
I was in the middle of fingering some carrots when it happened as well. (I only select carrots which posses a prestigious size girth). Models eat carrots right? Then I remembered, what an idiot, models don’t eat carrots. No, models always say that they eat what they want, when they want. Burgers, Pizzas, Cheese, Waffles, Cake, as long as they swallow it down with one of those Kim Kardashian sponsored laxative teas. The only time they eat a salad is when they are laughing at them.
So I goofily, grabbed a ball of lettuce and started giggling.
AND STILL NOTHING.
The worse thing was this girl wasn’t even bothered! She took the agent’s card like she’d just been given a pamphlet by one of those religious cults, what are they called again, oh yeah, Catholics.
I’m a confident woman though. I didn’t take it to heart at all. I mean, I didnt have an ounce of make up on, I had my very greasy hair in this weird centre parting that makes me look like a boy in the 90’s with curtains and I was wearing my 4 stripe fake Adidas rip off leggings. I kind of looked like Aaron Carter circa 1997.
My sister pointed out, when I told her, that when my hair is greasy in ‘that weird centre parting that you do’ that I actually look more like Leonardo Dicaprio circa 1998 not Aaron Carter circa 1997. Then she said flatly, ‘Models date Leonardo Dicaprio, they don’t look like him.’
“So the reason I didnt get scouted by a modelling agent in Tesco was that at the time I happened to look like a man?” Albeit a very attractive man. “Yes that must be it.” My sister confirmed. Then she mused, “Ironically if you did look like Aaron Carter circa 1997 then you probably would have got scouted because you would have looked like a 12 year old boy.”
This is true. The Fashion Industry has got to do something about the thinness of models. They do have 12 year old boy bodies. The other day I saw a mannequin in a shop that was literally the measurements of a small child. I mean I was in ZARA Kids but still…
I spent the rest of my time in Tesco, following the scout round the shop and listening to her talk to her assistant like she was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. I caught her eye a few times and still nothing which only confirmed to me that she was in fact a complete bitch. And she took the last packet of bog roll.