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December 2, 2013 1:22 pm

Kim Kardashian has over exposed herself once again. I’m beginning to think she has deep rooted insecurities around wearing clothes. Maybe she had a psychologically damaging experience whilst wearing them-perhaps a childhood trip to Tammy Girl ended particularly badly? She should go on my new show idea, channel 4 spin off- ‘How To Look Good With Clothes On’ because she clearly has confidence issues around wearing them. Poor girl. You’d think being American she’d have a therapist for this sort of thing. But then again she does own her own clothes store, (with her two sisters called ‘Dash’)so maybe wearing clothes just feels like work to her.

But anyway she’s done it again, taken her clothes off whilst also of course endorsing her new brand ‘Kimye’. To do so she is starring in husband to be, Kanye West’s  new video Bound 2. And trust me you are Bound 2 throw up a little in your mouth when you see it. For it’s a frightful collage of Kim and Kanye doing rudies on a motorbike over a backdrop of scenic mountains. And by mountains I refer to both Kim’s breasts and err, actual mountains. Shakira famously sung ‘Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains’- in Kim and Kanye’s vid, Kim’s breasts are so big you do actually confuse them with the super imposed mountainous backdrop. And to be fair both the scenic mountains and Kim’s fleshy mountains have had quite a bit of photo shop done on them, it would appear.

I think the worst thing about this video is that it lacks any sort of direction. In fact, I’m surprised they didn’t put their new sprog North West in the vid to give it some (that kid knows where its at). But I think little North was more interested in appearing in One Direction’s new music video.

The video is not only cringe worthy, repulsive, embarrassing and incredibly self-indulgent, its also an example of lazy film-making. They have clearly re-used footage of Kim’s Sex Tape. I didn’t think it was possible to see anymore of Kim and Kanye’s relationship in the media, but in this new video you actually see the intimate moments of Kim faking an orgasm.

By watching Bound 2 you are entering new levels of voyeurism.  If you were to play this video at one of those open air Drive In Movie places for example, it would look like you were at a mass dogging convention. It appalls me that Kim and Kanye are so self(ie)-obsessed, so self-indulgent that they actually think the world wants to see them twerk off together on a motorbike. And I mean they don’t even wear helmets. If you really must put this x rated, explicit behaviour in the public domain at least practice safe riding. Wear a helmet.  (And a ‘high vis’) Jeeze.

The song is rubbish too. But you forget how awful the actual record is because you are too mesmerized, too distracted by the atrocious video. If this was Kim and Kanye’s intention than I take my helmet off to them (yes I know my highway code). That’s actually pretty clever. And Kanye even comments on the fact that the imagery in the video is ‘phoney’ (and he isn’t just referring to Kim’s mountains):

“I wanted it to look as phony as possible………”I wanted the clouds to go in one direction, the mountains to go in another direction. I wanted the horses to go over there………..I want to show you that this is the type of imagery that’s being presented to all of us………….. I don’t have a problem with looking stupid.”

Kanye. We KNOW you don’t have a problem looking stupid. But we have a problem with you looking stupid. Because you are representing the human race and the cult of celebrity, not to mention you are a role model to the future generation. I really don’t want the future generation to be a load of artistically redundant plonkers. Is this the future of the music video? Shamelessly promoting your couples’ brand’? Or are ‘artists’ so hard up that they cant afford to pay actresses anymore and thus forced to make do with their vacuous reality star girlfriends?

The sad thing is, Bound 2 made me long for the days when rappers in music videos drunk champagne in Jacuzzi s with scantily clad bikini girls. Bound 2 is actually more primitive than this from both a social and feminist stance . I longed for Kanye to do something derogatory to a random extra in a gratuitous way –that would have been less patronising to the viewer, less sociologically backward than unashamedly promoting your relationship so candidly, so intimately.

The video left me feeling depressed, annoyed and deeply riled.

UNTIL………

I SAW THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNYJNI7HSsA

 

And then I was happy again. Because the video may well be an example of the evident decline of civilisation, the selfishly indulgent nature of celebrity and the constant need for commercialisation. BUT it was also a stimulus for one of the funniest parody videos I’ve ever seen. And that makes me truly thankful that Kanye (and Kim) don’t have a problem with looking stupid.

According to research (not sure how reliable this is as my PC lost the default search engine to Google* and is now on Bing) but nonetheless apparently Kim and Kanye saw the James Franco and Seth Rogan spoof video and ‘loved’ it, were  said to be in fits of giggles, even. So there you go, they might be self-indulgent, self-obsessed, narcissistic, vacuous morons but at least they have humility and the ability to laugh at themselves. That’s one redeeming feature about the Kimye Brand I guess. That, and they do good perfume.

*anyone else using Google as some sort of omnipotent, omniscient mystic portal of knowledge? I’m putting whole questions into it now, like its some sort of crystal ball.