The Truth. The Foal Truth And Nothing But The Truth : Horses For Mane Courses at Tesco and Lancing Boils
Truth. It was Keats who said “Truth is beauty” right? Maybe he got misquoted and what he actually said was “Truth is Black Beauty”……..and he was predicting the future news revelation this week; the alarming truth that Tesco use 29 per cent horse meat in their burgers. Nay? Sorry, I mean no? No. Keats wasn”t referring to Tesco. Tesco may indeed be everywhere, invading not only our high streets; but our avenues, our lanes and our cul-de-sacs too, however I don”t think they have quite managed to creep into the psyche of our great 19th century writers.
For it is more likely that the coined phrase “The Ugly Truth” was invented for situations and predicaments similar to the ilk of this Tesco story. For it has been nothing but ugly for the Superstore giant. Just the sheer thought of horse meat going into our beef burgers has repulsed the Nation. All over Facebook, Twitter and other social networks (what other social networks are there?! I”m just trying to up the word count of this blog. Oh. Ok fair enough, carry on.) were comics and ordinary folk (bless) going to town on horse puns, limericks, banter and jokes as their status”. Myself included. The general consensus from this sudden social networking storm was that people were outraged by such controversy Horse meat in our burgers!? How very dare they?!! I personally, was of a somewhat more blase, unaffected stance. Horse meat is nothing, I once saw my friend eat a TOFU Burger. Brrrr! And hay, sorry,hey, the French eat horse meat all the time! French food is well renowned for being one of the best cuisines in the world, its proper posh and that. Tesco using horse meat-why how very decadent of them! They should actually be congratulated on their venture into Nouvelle Cuisine. Any one saying differently-well that”s a moo point surely. BOOM. Sorry must stop with the horse/beef puns, but you know if you lead a horse to water….Tesco will make it a burger. Ah! (Its like a disease!). Mad cow.
From what I can see, the only indiscretion Tesco made (and it is quite a large indiscretion) is that they lied about it. They did not list it in the ingredients. And that”s essentially what I”m unsettled about. Not the ingredient, the cover up. Our food is full if additives, e numbers, MSG, preservatives-who cares about a little horse meat? Its the ethical realisation that has made this story news worthy. We were lied to. And that is simply atrocious. Will we be able to eat Tesco burgers again, without it leaving a bitter after taste? Who knows. Can we forgive and forget once the ugly truth has been admitted? “Truth is beauty?” Er, I think not Keats! The truth is a nasty boil, that when lanced leaves nothing but a putrid, sorry mess (just ask Rebekah Brookes). Talking about lancing boils…..
Oprah Winfrey managed to Lance a very ugly boil of truth on Armstrong this week. She did the impossible and got blood out of a stony faced, stoned man. (I realise he wasn”t technically stoned, but please don”t mega moolah ruin my puns with your pedantic technicalities). Oprah should be working at Guantanamo Bay, for she has got some serious bad ass interrogation skills (either that or star in the latest sequel of Charlie”s Angels). She didn”t even have to take him water-boarding! Although, I suppose water-boarding is an entirely different sport to cycling, (Armstrong would have been out of his depth). This revelation has made me doubt everything about Lance Armstrong, including his surname. I mean just how strong is his arm, really? What has been confirmed by this revelation is that there is nothing strong about Lance Armstrong. The only “strength” he had was being able to finally admit to the world his total lack of sportsmanship, and even the admittance of it all seemed insincere and corrupt. I mean admitting it on Oprah would have made him millions. Admitting it, when people suspected would have made him, well certainly not as much. Even his apology had the essence of staged, fake, phoney insincerity. We got the picture he wasn”t even sorry, only sorry he got caught. It seems he was trying to make the best of a bad situation by going on Oprah. To me, using drugs as a sportsman is a bit like a comic stealing other comics” jokes. They are not a true comic; they are not a true sportsman. But back to the point of this blog: the truth is not beauty (no offence Keats). The truth is ugly and the truth hurts. We”re all in our own ways and on our own levels (Yes, I am aware some of you don”t give a…) upset, outraged, betrayed and perturbed by recent news revelations. In an ideal world everything and everyone would be honest, sincere and upfront.
However would this really be ideal? Or is it a case of “what you don”t know can”t hurt you”? Who knows. All I know is horse meat burgers would be much more palatable if one was told of their presence on the label and we were left to our own conclusions as to whether we wanted to eat them or not.
Lance Armstrong on the other hand should have been open and honest about his drugged up cycling………and perhaps should have featured on an episode of Jackass rather than getting into Athletics.
Another theory about the truth is that “Comedy Is Truth” and this is the theory which I choose to stand by. The truth has not been beautiful like Keats suggests, the truth has been ugly, but by the number of jokes I”ve seen this week about horses and about Armstrong-the truth has been comedy, the truth has been well pretty damn funny.
Disclaimer: No offence was intentionally directed to anyone seriously damaged and affected by the aftermath of these stories. Fair dues if you have “beef” with Tesco (again, I”m sorry) or feel betrayed by Armstrong. Might I suggest telling him where to go and yelling “on yer bike”.
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