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June 4, 2015 8:54 am

I just I love the new character on the latest series of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She’s called Caitlyn. She spells her name, some might say, controversially with a ‘C’ and not with a ‘K’. This spelling is unconventional to the usually orchestrated Kardashian formula. Everybody knows it’s a prerequisite and obligatory to the Kardashian brand to spell your first name with a ‘K’. The only exception would be is, if you’re one of the male characters: like Rob, Bruce or Scott.

But it looks as though normal protocol does not apply to Caitlyn with a ‘C’. It looks as though its ‘C’ for Classy, as Caitlyn has more of it than any of the other girls on the show. For a start she did a photo shoot with Vanity Fair and she didn’t get her arse out (like what?), she hasn’t released a sex tape or dated any rappers. But keeping with Kardashian tradition she has apparently had several failed marriages though, which is nice because it gives her something in common with all the other girls. Caitlyn shares other family traits too. Like her sister, Kim, she has also broke the internet. And I don’t mean she sat on the Plus Net box (with her fat ass) like my house mate did last week. What I mean is she broke the record on Twitter for the fastest amount of followers in the smallest amount of time. Caitlyn got over a million followers in just under 4 hours. Her latest social media storm proves that she is hot stuff right now. She does indeed look amazing and is proof that if God didn’t give it to you, get it yourself. She’s an independent woman not relying on a man, like God any more, anyway.

Now, when I heard there had been an addition to the Kardashian clan I presumed one of them had popped out another baby. Those girls are more fertile than Kerry Katona at a Magaluf Taxi Rank, but BOY was I wrong. Apparently Caitlyn has replaced Bruce Jenner on the show, for whom, if I’m honest never cared for much anyway.
Caitlyn is much more fun, frivolous and fancy free than Bruce ever was. She is honest, more harmonious and happier too. I actually prefer her to Bruce. She does however, possess a lot of Bruce’s finer qualities, but none of his bad. So all in all I’d say Caitlyn is a welcome replacement for Bruce on the show.

In all seriousness I have been knocked sideways by her bravery. Caitlyn is of course Trans Jenner. It has struck me that her decision to ‘bat for the other team’, (and I’m not referencing Bruce’s Athletic achievements), is in fact a profound and groundbreaking act of sheer tenacious lion(ess) type Courage. You don see much of that going around these days. One that merits the same caliber to that of an Olympic medal. She is a true Heroine. One thing’s for sure is no amount of surgery will ever rid her of her ‘Spunk’.

Alas, I can’t believe she would go through all this to be a woman. Who wants to be a woman, I mean really?
Women have it tough. I know this because I read Caitlin Moran books. But Caitlyn Jenner is going to be faced with things like lower pay (although funnily enough I think she is actually making more money than she ever did as Bruce) and will be faced with such problems of not being taken seriously in things like Sport. Bruce was an Olympian, famous for his javelin. I doubt Caitlyn has a javelin and I bet, if she is anything like her sisters, the only thing she can throw is a tantrum.

Why would someone in today’s world voluntarily transform themselves into a woman? Does Caitlyn not realise that she is now statistically less likely to feature on a Channel 4 panel show for example? She might experience positive discrimination though, the ‘wild card’ of Gender Politics.

Now I don’t want to sound like an irate Feminist (because you know, I still want to get laid and stuff) but Caitlyn, go and smash that glass ceiling, girlfriend! On a side note, I did actually ironically, as a Tom Boy, smash my mum’s conservatory glass ceiling while playing ball games. My Mum told me off by yelling that people in glass houses should never throw stones, which as you can imagine was an influential life lesson. This life lesson was: Don’t Be a Tom Boy. It gets you in trouble. Shortly after I started painting my nails, wearing a bra and worked on developing an eating disorder just so people knew I was most certainly and without doubt, in fact, a girl.

But back to Cailtlyn replacing Bruce Jenner on the show. It seems that the show is not ‘Jennerless’ but ‘Genderless’. What this has all taught me is that Gender is not so straight down the line. It’s not about physiology, it’s about psychology.
I watched the Louis Theroux’s ‘Transgender Kids’, (not Kendal and Kylie) a few weeks ago and I learnt so much about people that are born Transgender. Much of the documentary involved Louis talking to kids who were called names like ‘Robert’ and ‘Simon’, for example and referring to them in the third person as ‘she’ and ‘her’. So as you can imagine the main thing I got from the documentary was that I now finally understand what a ‘Pronoun’ is. If only all this had come out while I was revising for GCSE English.

But other than the language and linguistics lesson, the documentary taught me that Gender Identity problems are something that are a modern day taboo, an elephant in the room which is ignored and misunderstood. Consequentially this was a huge learning curve for me. What I learnt was that Gender is not determined by your private parts but determined in fact by your heart (first draft had this bit as ‘private heart’ but was deemed too poetically cheesy by my editor/mum). And I don’t mean to sound like Oprah Winfrey (I think of myself more of a Ricki Lake) but ‘Jender’ is what you feel in your soul. Bruce never existed. Caitlyn, was playing a part in a play (obviously a method actor) and now she has retired at the grand old age of 65 and is finally free to play herself.

She’s living her life, not for other people but for herself. For to be truly happy we must be selfish; we must be true to ourselves. What Caitlyn has taught me is: live my life for ME. Don’t live it to please other people. Live it for YOU. And through selfishly making yourself happy, you will make others happy as a by-product. Now I’m not saying be a dick (pardon the pun), but be selfish in an altruistic way, in the fact that what you project on the outside is what you feel on the inside. Be Jennuine.

So be gone social pressure, peer pressure, parental pressure, work pressure and be true to who you are, live your life your way and as Kendall Jenner so eloquently put it on Twitter ‘Be free now pretty bird’.
Whoever thought you’d learn such a life lesson off an episode of The Kardashians.